Meditations for Mortals: Day 11

Fear often pervades life. As Burkeman points out, it can be as little as fearing to check your email because there might be an email from someone impatient that you haven't replied. Unhelpful fears can consume our finite energy and finite time, preventing us from living the life we want.

"The more you organize your life around not addressing the things that make you anxious, the more likely they are to develop into serious problems -- and even if they don't, the longer you fail the confront them, the more unhappy time you spend scared of what might be lurking in the places you don't want to go."

A common piece of wisdom is to confront your fears head on. Take action! That creates another kind of adversarial relationship with the fear. We go from cowering from the fear to attacking it. Burkeman suggests a gentler approach: befriend your fear.

"Everyone has an assortment of not-yet-begun or not-yet-completed projects that would benefit from their attention, because that's the nature of being a finite human. But there's no need for them to tormet you. Once you've established a relatinoship with them, they become white sheep, and just patiently wait their turn."

How do you become friends with your fear? Observe them with curiosity. Don't cower in fear. Don't strategize a way of confronting the fear. Don't break the task into smaller pieces to make the fear more palatable. Simply sit with it. It'll be uncomfortable at first. Where do you feel the fear in your body? Is it in your chest, tense shoulders, furrowed brow? Once you've experienced it, you can become more curious about its origins and why it has gripped you. This is not in the aim to solve it, only to understand it. You're empathizing with it like you would a friend in anguish. Listen to what it tells you. Emotions like fear educate us about our deep desires and patterns.

Once you're friends with the fear, you won't consider hiding or vanquishing it. When it arises again, you'll go speak to it again. Then, together you can resolve the sitaution at hand. You can check your email calmly, prepared for whatever you find.