Meditations for Mortals

Day 1

Meditations for Mortals is a new book by Oliver Burkeman. It arrived at my door last night. (I've recently started buying physical copies of books from small book stores instead of relying on Amazon or Kindle. I want to feel the physical and not feed the beast.) I read Four Thousand Weeks also by Burkeman and enjoyed his perspective on productivity and living a meaningful life.

This new book is a "four-week retreat of the mind" to reflect on ways to make our time on Earth count the way we want. I'm planning to take it day by day and write some notes as a reflection.

Diving into today, the theme is to accept that we are finite with finite time. We can never live a "perfect life" or do everything we want. There's something beautiful about that though. We have the opportunity to declare what is important to us by spending our time on it. Burkeman writes the following:

You can take action not in the tense hope that your actions might be leading you towards some future utopia of perfect productivity, but simply because they're worth doing.... It's precisely because you'll never produce perfect work that you might as well get on with doing the best work you can.

It's important for me to remember that doesn't mean work all the time though because work isn't the total meaning of my life.

I am finite and imperfect. That's wonderful.

Day 2

It's easy to fall into the trap of preparing to do something or developing systems to do something. However, neither preparing or developing will actually complete the task. If you want to write, then sit down and write for 15 minutes instead of spending the time getting nice paper and pens or reading a book about effective writing skills. If you want to meditate, then sit down and meditate for 15 minutes instead of buying a cushion or watching lectures on how to meditate. Action is paramount.

This is a good lesson from Burkeman. Systems are not the way we accomplish our goals. Doing is.

I've recently thrown myself into action, the action of simplifying my physical possessions until they fit into my car. There are many reasons for this: from wanting to move apartments to possibly being in some kind of quarter life crisis (I prefer to think of it as a quarter life revolution). I could have spent months reading about minimalism or agonized about creating a priority system for what I should keep and what I should get rid of. Instead, it was much more effective for me to start selling things on Craigslist. I started with things I hadn't used in a while, the easy things to get rid of, but I've advanced now to things I thought were essential, for example a bed. (Some other time I'll write about the joys of furniture free living.) I don't know if it's the simplification or just the act of doing something to align with my values, but it's exhilarating. I'm enjoying this journey.

Take action.

Day 3

I'm a day behind. Oops.

Consequences aren't optional. It's in the nature of being finite that every choice comes with some sort of consequences, because at any instant, you can only pick one path and must deal with the repercussions of not picking any of the others.

Whatever choice you make, so long as you make it in the spirit of facing the consequences, the result will be freedom in the only sense that finite humans ever get to enjoy it. Not freedom from limitation, which is something we unfortunately never get to experience, but freedom in limitation. Freedom to examine the trade-offs -- because there will always be trade-offs -- and then to opt for whichever trade-off you like.

I find this a particularly hard lesson to stomach and take joy in. I can tell myself that I accept there are consequences but I often later realize I haven't really accepted it at all. I deceive myself into thinking I can be infinite or can somehow optimize my way to the best path. I don't think a best path really exists though because the set of consequences are many dimensional and not comparable.

There is comfort in realizing that you aren't forced into any path (most of the time). You can choose to ignore an email or work on a different project. There will be consequences but we get to choose which consequence to have.

Day 4

Today's entry was about how we often measure ourselves by our accomplishments.

In particular, Burkeman proposed keeping a "done" list in addition to a "to do" list. I use Tick Tick to manage my tasks most of the time. It will automatically created a completed entry when I check off a task. However, I see that as visual clutter and ignore it. I forget about the tasks I complete the second I complete them.

More than just writing a done list, I would benefit potentially from taking time each day to reflect on my accomplishments, to celebrate them. It's easy to get wrapped up in the length of the "to do" list and never acknowledge the length of the "done" list. I'm going to test out writing three accomplishments I most proud of each day when I journal in the evening.

Day 5

There's too much information to read or consume it all. We have to make tradeoffs. Burkeman suggests three principles:

1. "Treat your to-read pile like a river, not a bucket." You don't have to empty the container, just pick something that seems appealing as it floats past.
2. "Resist the urge to stockpile knowledge." You don't have to take extensive notes or remember everything you've read. You'll still get impacted by it.
3. "Consuming information is a present-moment activity." Enjoy it for now, not for some future benefit.

I wonder if these posts are my stockpiling knowledge instinct.

Day 6

In an age of attention scarcity, the greatest act of good citizenship may be learning to withdraw your attention from everything except the battles you've chosen to fight.

You don't have to solve every world problem. Pick something you're passionate about and spend your energy on it instead of spreading it out over many causes.

Day 7

The fact that you can't cross bridges before you come to them is liable to seem dispiriting, as if it leaves us with no option but to keep trudging vulnerably into the fog, trying not to think about sinkholes. But it contains a hidden gift. After all, if you're hopelessly trapped in the present, it follows that your responsibility can only ever be to the very next moment... You get to stop fretting about literally everything other than how to spend the next instant in a wise, enjoyable or otherwise meaningful fashion. Finite human being need never worry about anything else.

Is it really true that my "responsibility can only ever be to the very next moment?" Why is the horizon set so short? What about just the next two moments? I don't think I fully grasp the meaning of this entry. It's comfortable to imagine we don't have to worry about the future, but don't we need to worry about tomorrow? If we didn't, who would stop climate change?

Maybe the point is we can only act in the moment and thus by making the greedy and locally good choice, then we'll be better off in the long run? But why should life be solved by a greedy algorithm?

I don't like the phrase "life can be solved." It misses a key element that life has no solution.

I'm not sure about this.

Day 8

"The whole point of facing the truth about finitude is that it gets easier to spend more of your time on worthwhile and life-enriching activities once you're no longer trying to do all of them, or do them perfectly, or do them with the secret agenda of achieving a feeling of security or control."

That first quotation has much to unpack. There are many ways we can be paralyzed about our finitude. I feel like some of them, such as "trying to do them all" or "do them perfectly," are more noticeable and diagnosable. The "secret agenda" though could be secret even from yourself. It's easy to live life without complete awareness. How might I diagnose this agenda? If I make decisions with comfort in mind, it might be an indication. This is worth thinking about more.

"The life enhancing route is to think of decisions not as things that come along, but as things to go hunting for."

Making decisions only about things that fall into your lap is not as fulfilling because it doesn't allow you to define the life you want. Instead, seek out decisions about things that matter to you. Decisions are about defining your life and owning it how you want.

"To make a decision -- any decision -- is to take ownership of the situation instead."

According to Burkeman, there are two rules to decision making:

1. "A decision doesn't get to count as a decision until you've done something about it in reality, so as to put some of the discarded alternatives beyond reach." You cannot just decide it in your mind. That's not a real decision because there's no consequence. Decisions become real with action.

2. A decision can be as tiny as you like. "Baby steps are fine; they just have to be real ones." You don't have to radically transform everything with a decision. You can take tiny steps. He compares this to a scenario to quit your job. You don't have to march into your boss's office, announce all your complaints, and quit to have made a decision. You can instead decide to have a trusted friend over and discuss your feelings.

Decisions come with an uncertainty. Making one decisions necessarily precludes you from making a different decision. We cannot know which is the best decision in the moment.

"In fact, you'll never know in hindsight [what the best choice might be], either -- because no matter how great or appalling the consequences of heading down any given path, you'll never learn whether heading down a different one might have brought something better or worse."

There is no best decision because you don't know how all the others might have turned out. Don't let the exclusivity enforced by deciding prevent you from acting. Relish in the power of making worthwhile and life-enriching decisions.

Day 9

"Perfectionists love to begin new endeavors, because the moment of starting belongs to the world of limitlessness: for as long as you haven't done any work on a project, it's still possible to believe that the end result might match the ideal in your mind."

I've never really thought about it like that. There's something exciting and wonderful about the blue sky and green field of a new project. It really is limitless, bursting with possibility. I enjoy starting the project and even doing some work. However, when it gets to that last 20 percent, the final details that take the longest, I start to lose joy in the project and have to rely on discipline to complete it. I don't think all of that stems from perfectionism but rather novelty wearing off and the decreasing speed of progress. Like the Pareto principle, the first 80 percent makes the biggest impact and sometimes goes the fastest. The novelty wears off and progress becomes very incremental in the last phases of a project. That isn't to say that there isn't some amount of perfectionism at work though.

"The trick to finishing things when the prospect seems overwhelming is simply to redefine what counts as finished. Instead of viewing completion of a project as something that happens only occasionally, after days or weeks of work, think of your days as consisting in the sequential completion of a series of small 'deliverables.'

This suggests a new way to complete the last 20 percent of a project: make each step smaller and smaller to offset the decrease in novelty and trudge of small details. By having smaller and smaller steps, you encounter and benefit from the boost associated with completing a task.

"For finite humans, every moment is an endpoint of sorts, experienced once then done forever. Treating what you do with your time as a sequence of tiny completions means falling into line with how things really are."

Just a lovely sentiment.

Day 10

This chapter is all about 'What is your current life task?'. Burkeman writes, "a life task is something your life is asking of you; so while it might coincide with your parents' expectations, or your society's ideals, it also very easily might not." I don't feel very confident in my understanding of life tasks so I can neither definitively disagree with the concept nor embrace it.

It seems like a misappropriation of a sense of purpose or meaning in a task. How can my life ask anything of me? It's an experience, an amalgamation of moments, not some deciding force. Is it not enough to say that this feels important or significant to me and thus I choose to do it on my own accord instead of doing it to meet life's demands?

Again, I don't fully grasp what he means and thus may be missing the mark. What can I take from this chapter? There is a quotation that resonates with me:

"It is never the case that there's no next step to take. On some level, I think we always already know when we're hiding out in some domain of life, flinching from a challenge reality has placed before us. The purpose of a question like 'What's the life task here?' is just to haul that knowledge up into the daylight of consciousness, when we can finally do something about it."

That makes sense. It encourages me to stop frequently and reflect on life instead of just staying still in a comfort zone. There's a step to take. Reflecting helps me see what it is.

Day 11

Fear often pervades life. As Burkeman points out, it can be as little as fearing to check your email because there might be an email from someone impatient that you haven't replied. Unhelpful fears can consume our finite energy and finite time, preventing us from living the life we want.

"The more you organize your life around not addressing the things that make you anxious, the more likely they are to develop into serious problems -- and even if they don't, the longer you fail the confront them, the more unhappy time you spend scared of what might be lurking in the places you don't want to go."

A common piece of wisdom is to confront your fears head on. Take action! That creates another kind of adversarial relationship with the fear. We go from cowering from the fear to attacking it. Burkeman suggests a gentler approach: befriend your fear.

"Everyone has an assortment of not-yet-begun or not-yet-completed projects that would benefit from their attention, because that's the nature of being a finite human. But there's no need for them to torment you. Once you've established a relationship with them, they become white sheep, and just patiently wait their turn."

How do you become friends with your fear? Observe them with curiosity. Don't cower in fear. Don't strategize a way of confronting the fear. Don't break the task into smaller pieces to make the fear more palatable. Simply sit with it. It'll be uncomfortable at first. Where do you feel the fear in your body? Is it in your chest, tense shoulders, furrowed brow? Once you've experienced it, you can become more curious about its origins and why it has gripped you. This is not in the aim to solve it, only to understand it. You're empathizing with it like you would a friend in anguish. Listen to what it tells you. Emotions like fear educate us about our deep desires and patterns.

Once you're friends with the fear, you won't consider hiding or vanquishing it. When it arises again, you'll go speak to it again. Then, together you can resolve the situation at hand. You can check your email calmly, prepared for whatever you find.

Day 12

"The unstated appeal of a lot of productivity advice [...] lies in the bewitching idea that there might a rule, or a set of rules, that would force accomplishment to occur, rendering it inevitable and automatic. We yearn for such a rule, not generally because we're lazy, but because we don't fully trust ourselves to get the right things done without one."

Even a rule as simple as marking an 'x' on the calendar each day we complete a goal is a fantasy conjured up to will us into productivity. I think there's nothing wrong with tracking your progress so you can have some kind of accountability, but the purpose of the 'x' is different then. The rules we use should be carefully considered instead of blindly adopted from self-help books. Then, they should be reconsidered as our practices and life situations evolve. The 'x' could be the solution for you if the regular recognition of a step towards your goal propels you forward. It isn't for you if you flog yourself every time you make a mistake and miss a day.

Rules and practices are tools to help reach our goals, not to solve everything.

Day 13

"If you're a 'knowledge worker' [...] then you'll make the most progress, and cover the most ground, if you limit yourself to about three or four hours of intense mental focus each day."

This sounds wonderful but I don't see how it's feasible with my current work load.

"The most powerful effect of the rule, though, might be the way in which it limits the possibility of hurry. It pushes back against the ubiquitous modern urge to get as much done as possible as fast as possible."

Slow and steady work is often better quality than rushed.

Day 14

It would be nice to be able to skip the scariest or most overwhelming problems. But to face no problems at all would leave you with nothing worth doing. So you might even say that coming up against your limitations, and figuring out how to respond, is precisely what makes a life meaningful and satisfying.

Day 15

How can I live in "easy world?" Are there things I'm making more difficult than they really need to be?

Day 16

Facing up to reality -- as finite humans must -- means facing up to the reality of your moods, desires, and interests, too. This is why it takes courage to ask yourself the question that I suspect all those gurus promoting the 'warrior mindset' and 'mental toughness' are too frightened to ask themselves: How would you like to spend your time today?

Day 17

You needn't try to transform yourself into someone who feels more love for humanity, and it's probably impossible anyway. You just need to find where you already feel warm or tenderness, then go from there.

Act on a generous impulse the moment it arises.

Day 18

Taken at face value, the news that somebody is upset because you're not behaving as they wanted you to behave is just that: a report on the state of their emotional weather. You might or might not choose to act on such a report, but that's an entirely separate matter. Every decision is a question of trade-offs.

Day 19

The unpredictability and uncontrollable nature of life is what makes it worth living.

Day 20

Free writing for a set block of time can be a great way to open the mind and get thoughts flowing.

Day 21

Distractions are a part of life. Without an omniscient view of life, you cannot tell if the distraction is "good" or not. Welcome distractions as opportunities to be flexible and connect with reality.

Day 22

"It might be time to spend an hour today enjoying yourself -- cashing in some of the investments you previously made in your future self, you might say, and splashing out on the present one."

Day 23

Treat your to-do list as a menu... a list of tasks to pick from, rather than to get through.

Day 24

"Scruffy hospitality means you're not waiting for everything in your house to be in order before you host and serve friends in your home. Scruffy hospitality means you hunger more for good conversation and serving a simple meal of what you have, not what you don't have. Scruffy hospitality means you're more interested in quality conversation than in the impression your home or lawn makes."

Scruffy hospitality is a way of living more transparently.

"being willing to let others see your life as it really is can be a positive act of generosity towards them, too"

We rush to clean up our houses before having friends over but consider it a privilege to an unfiltered view of their life if our friends show us their normal life and normal house.

"True confidence is kindled not by witnessing it in others, but by realizing you aren't alone in lacking it."

Day 25

"Spending your days trying to get experiences 'under your belt,' so as to maximize your collection of them, or to feel more confident about your their future supply, means you never get to enjoy them properly because another agenda is at play."

Day 26

"Real wisdom doesn't lie in getting life figured out. It lies in grasping the sense in which you never will get it completely figured out."

Day 27

"Once you stop struggling to get on top of everything, to stay in absolute control, or to make everything perfect, you're rewarded with the time, energy and psychological freedom to accomplish the most of which anyone could be capable."

L. Ron Hubbard improvised a religion... with a little confidence and planning surely a reasonable person could go about any project they desired.

"The main difference between those who accomplish great things and those who don't is that the former don't mind not knowing. They were not less flawed or finite than you. Everything they ever did was done by people."

Day 28

"Reality doesn't need me to help operate it. It carries on fine regardless."

My insignificance is freedom.

"It simply need not follow, from our cosmic insignificance as individuals, that our actions don't matter. The idea that things only count if they count on the vastest scale is one more expression of our discomfort with finitude: accepting that they might count only transiently, or locally, requires us to face our limitations and our mortality."

My life doesn't have to be spectacular to matter. I can still have a meaningful existence and impact a few people.

"You get to pour yourself into tasks that matter for no other reason than that nothing could be more enlivening, or more true to the situation in which you find yourself."

Epilogue

"Pick the trait that bothers you most about yourself or your life -- your tendency to procrastinate or get distracted, perhaps, or your short fuse, or your proneness to gloomy moods -- and then ask yourself what it feels like to imagine that some version of it might dog you to the end of your days... Maybe I never needed to change in order to justify my existence."